I miss my chronicwind tabulas. For some unknown reason, the site has turned from public to private, and the reset password option doesn't work. Hope my calls for help reaches Roy's ears (I trust you, Tabulas manager!).

Here's this week in Life:

Monday: Gym and votation! I didn't expect voting to be that much of a breeze for me. Took me less than 30 minutes in line. Hooray! 

Tuesday: Canvassed for Puerto Galera resorts. Gahd, there's so many. @_@ I'm lurlured out. Managed to find four that fits the criteria. Dude stopped by the house to pay a 500peso debt, yey. I'm very grepa, I needed that. Sang some songs with her while she played the guitar. Nanay brought home loads of food from her conference. The dory was delicious; I'm excited for tomorrow's meals. There goes our diet plan..

Meanwhile, election results are devastating. I almost cried. Almost. Because I felt so helpless.

Also. There are ZERO essays. Ohgod kung kelan gusto kong magseryoso saka nawawala :| 

And what of my love life? So much this:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/fivezaj/27-gifs-depicting-your-love-life-or-lack-there-of-a8zp?utm_campaign=socialflow&utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=buzzfeed

Okay this will turn into my write for 15minutes (or more! please do more!) a day habit.
Write something, anything nga naman. Gahd I need to stop being such a lazy ass. Super Batugan personified, that's me. I hate it, and yet every morning I go the same routine: pagkalulong sa reddit, buzzfeed, twitter, and facebook. Over and over again. What is this. I need an intervention. This has been going on for months now. Sabi nga ni nanay, "Wag kang magpuyat sa Facebook, di ka kikita diyan." So, so true. Grabe yung pagkawala ko ng self-discipline. And my demotivation. Where the hell is this coming from? Bakit ba ang tamad ko? (An aside: Ansarap magtype sa mac hihihi. That's all I probably like about Mac. And photobooth, because who doesn't like photobooth?) Anyway, back to my katamaran: it is because nasanay na ako. Nasanay na ako sa ganitong life. I guess wala pa ulit ako sa point na super desperate na ko to earn money. Ho. Sa totoo lang, naeenjoy ko maglinis ng bahay. Gusto ko nang pag-uuwi ang parents ko, malinis ang bahay. Woohoo domestication! HAHA. But seriously, natutuwa ako at nakikita naman nila ang difference. Masarap nga naman talaga umuwi sa malinis na bahay! May gusto akong apply-an na trabaho but then it's in Makati at wala pa akong decent portfolio so... I'm procrastinating. Here I go again! Kung may procrastination olympics, I'm a gold medalist for sure. Biro mo yung task na 2 weeks ago ko pa dapat pinasa ay kahapon ko lang binigay? And it barely took me an hour. Ampanget. Ampanget na habit. So tomorrow, here's a plan:

Wake up at 6:00am

6:00-7:00 try that interval training exercise thing. Drink coffee. Make waffles (??)

7:00-12:00 work woman, work!!! Target 10 essays. Dapat di bababa sa 2 digit numbers ang essays mo everyday this May okay? Except sa last May weekend. <3

12:00-1:00 cook and eat. What to cook...

1:00-6:00 AFA THINGS OKAY. ANO KA BA!!! Watch one episode per hour? HAHAHAHA anek

6:00 GO GYM DOEEET.

8:00-8:30 Home from Gym. Take a bath.

8:30-10:00: Go dinner. Write. Facebook. CLEAN. Whurrever.

10:00pm: SLEEP TIME MAAWA KA.

Haha pretty ideal ano. Make it work, self. :>

So here I am, in time for my 15-minute writing habit! Except it's not a habit yet. Yesterday's plan was... ok so that didn't happen. Gym happened though! And some AFA work. And by some, I mean little. 

Marathoned Arrested Development! Ugh, this show. I love it. Not at par with my previous Office love, but love enough to TWOP it. Haha I missed TWOP. But I'm a lurker still. Now I find myself squeezing a lot of AD in my daily schedule (yak as if may sked talaga eh no!). Kahit hindi naman dapat. There goes my self discipline again!

Six proclaimed senators already. None that I like. Philippines, what will become of you? 

I can't write while someone looks over my shoulder. Or with anyone within reading distance of the computer screen. Writing is so private to me; seeing what I write while I write it is like seeing me naked. It's uncomfortable and awkward. Also, I have noticed that I don't write as fast as I used to. Not my typing, but my thoughts. There are hesitations during this freewriting, which I don't experience before. Before = when I was still devoted to writing. I find myself in occasional pauses, thinking about what else to write. I find myself deleting written sentences, and then writing the exact same sentence again. Yes, I have become more conscious of my writing. I am saddened by this. My writing muscles haven't been stretched in a while, and I hope this daily exercise gets me back to the zone. As if I was there in the first place. Fifteen minutes are up. Future entries should be more sensible, okay!

------------

ETA.

Checks in yesterday's plan: cooked and some work and gym. I'll consider making waffles as cooking, okay. HAHA.

Tomorrow:

Morning: some fitness. 10 essays.

Afternoon: AFA things.

Night: Start that freaking blog!!

Wow napakaprecise. GO DO IT

Today I mark a milestone in my life - I installed a flourescent light! HAHA okay ang basic lang but it did make me feel great and independent, the "HA! I do not need my kuya for this" kind of independence. And of course, mommeh was a big help (she directed me); I just did the turning. :)) Nakakagulat nung biglang umilaw yung light habang iniinstall ko, naka-on pala yung switch. But when the switch was turned off, and on again, hindi na umilaw yung light. :( So I uninstalled and installed it, carefully this time. After a minute of fiddling, ayun, naayos din. Accomplishment! 

My newsfeed is filled with SM Aura posts, ugh sana merong phrase block option ang Facebook - lahat ng posts na may mention ng SM Aura ay gusto kong i-block. Nakakairita ang SM Aura as a name, swear! Parang fingernails on chalkboard ang dating. Ambabaw na nito I know pero seriously, Aura?? Hindi ba pwedeng SM Taguig nalang, maygad? Haha anlaki ng problema eh no.

Jogging kanina sa animal trail. We were actually walking most of the time. Sarap ng hangin, ambaho nga lang ng ilog. But we got used to it. Natutuwa talaga ko when I see kids riding their bike sa trail. And there were lots, ha. Inggit ako, I want my own bike! Pag-ipunan please! At ang weird kanina, may convertible na nasa animal trail, driven by two old guys. Wtf pano nakapasok yun? Nagulat nalang kami nang biglang may nagpass samin na convertible, top down. At naalala ko dati ang fantasies ko na when I get to have my own car, dapat convertible. I like options. And may fantasies ako that you get a sense of freedom while riding a roofless car. Must feel infinite.

Went to the market to buy some fruits! Ang bigat ng pakwan, ha. 70php. Got a little taste of what it would be like when pregnant. Imagine carrying a five-pound watermelon everywhere you go? And you don't even have the option of putting it aside. Lerks. Bigla ko namiss ang Cribs hahaha. Ohmy ngayon ko lang naalala, di pa pala ako nagvvolunteer dun this week! :o

Tapos ko na season 1 ng Arrested Development wow I am so productive. Buti nalang i have two more seasons to go and then a brand new one! woohoo I got into this at the right time :)) Inaantok na ko it's near 12am! Must sleep at a PM time!

Messed up my body clock. Woke up at 10, then slept again from 3-6 :( Slept at 12am the night before so what the hell went wrong? ACK. It's the not-getting-up-first-time-i-open-my-eyes thing. Bawal talaga dapat na matulog ulit pag nagising na. I had a good dream though! Adventure dream that involves the hunt of a creature named "sarimanok".. pero weird na creature to because it's composed of three dog-like creatures piled on top of each other, from largest to smallest (tapos yung smallest mala-rodent na ang dating). Tapos naka-furry wig yung bottom creature para magmukhang mataba and malaki yung creature. Yung weird sa dream ay minsan part ako ng action, pero minsan I get to have an omniscient pov, parang audience sa isang tv show. Minsan nagiging anime yung dream - yung itsura ng mga tao ay anime drawings. Lurlur.

I'm going to the month of the ocean bike tour tomorrow, and I'm pretty excited. Sana magising ako on time hoho. Where is my phone? Anyway. Tried out Tito's bike and it's a keri. Ang maganda may side mirrors pa siya. I'm not confident enough to bike on highways alone though; just the thought of passing through commonwealth and qc circle alone makes me shiver. Kaya ko naman siguro pag maraming kasama haha. Buti nalang maliit lang yung bike. Sayang at hindi babalik sa Ninoy Aquino Parks and Wildlife (meeting place) yung tour, pero sana may makasabay ako pabalik, otherwise, that's one expensive taxi ride, since sa Baywalk mageend yung tour. Ohwell, worht it naman siguro yung exercise and experience na makukuha ko from that. And it's for the sea, so all my love. Sana may makilala akong new friend or something, have to practice my flirting (non)skills. Char. 

Today was supposed to be a fruit-only day, pero di rin kami nakatiis, hanggang breakfast lang kami. Haha. Now I'm craving milkshakes; there's ice cream and some oreo and chocolate syrup, mmm that would make an awesome milkshake but but nooo i can't nakakataba, forever on my legs. Hindi pa namin nababawasan yung pakwan, pero mauubos naman sana namin yun bukas.

15 minutes are up and I'm sleepy (ha ulit?). Good night, self.

The bike tour was a pain in the butt. Literally. Feeling ko may pasa na ko sa pwet. :)) Borrowed my Tito's bike, and yung upuan dun, mahabang matigas. That's what she said. Anyway, na-enjoy ko naman yung ride kahit na masakit sa pwet bandang dulo na at naghihingalo na ko haha. Thank god for overcast skies! Hindi mainit though nasense kong nagka-tan lines ako. At grabe lang talaga yung pollution sa Manila area. Next time, I really should tie a bandana to cover my nose and mouth. Though weird yung tan line nun if ever. Bring shades too, then. 

Tinignan ko sa google maps kung gaano kalayo yung ni-bike namin: from Ninoy Aquino Parks and Wildlife to Rajah Sulayman Park sa may Roxas Blvd. Pero napunta pa kami ng MOA and umikot pabalik hanggang makabalik ulit sa Rajah Sulayman. That's about 20km, not bad for my first legit bike tour. I remember I joined a Firefly Brigade tour nung bata ako, mga 11yo ata pero hindi naman yun from start to finish. Saya saya magbike lalo na pag leisurely yung pace..  nakakapressure lang sometimes kasi nasa may hulihan ako at nakakatakot when I'm not in the midst of a throng of bikers. At one point kala ko nga ako na yung pinakahuli. Katakot. Minsan kasi nagkakagap sa bikers, like pag nagswitch yung stoplight. Takot ko lang maiwan k! Kaya hindi talaga ko nagstop for water hanggang sa moa, feeling ko konting stop ko lang, ako na agad yung madudulo. Buti kinaya naman hahaha. May little girl (mga 8-10yo) nga na nagparticipate, and she was so good. Nakasabay siya, galing! Nahiya naman ako sa sarili ko kasi naghihingalo na ko, at mas mabilis pa siya. :)) Good for her! 

Nakakastress pag paakyat hoho, di ko ma-adjust yung cambio (kambio?). Buti kinaya naman. And thank god dahil walang nangyaring masama dun sa bike, like maflat-an or madislocate yung chains sa gear. I'm just really glad I finished the tour. At masaya yung nagccruise na kami sa may roxas blvd, the sight of the sea always manages to calm me. Ambaho nga lang. 

Very antisocial ko lang nung event haha. Ang grepa ng feeling :)) Grabe yung pawis ko after (and during). Actually, na-disappoint ako dun sa event itself. I think mas marami pang pwede gawin dun sa event to promote ocean conservation/month of the ocean. Guest speakers include the undersecretary of DENR. Though sinabi na importante ang corals, oceans, etc sa livelihood ng mga tao, and that nakakatulong ang bike tour to promote awareness, andami pa ring kulang. Sad at hindi minention dun sa program yung ibang activities pa sa month of the ocean, or kung paano pa makakatulong ang mga tao. Iniisip ko rin kung gaano ka-effective kaya yung bike tour to promote the month of the ocean.. may fliers sana na binigay sa mga nasa streets, gaya nang sa mga rallies. Ang underwhelming lang talaga ng naging program so I hope mas maging maayos in the future. And sana loop yung trail hahaha. Haggs ang mahal nung taxi back to Lola's, kung saan ko isosoli yung bike. Iniisip ko tuloy kung worth it ba yung around 500php na pamasahe na nagastos ko for taxi. In fariness naman dun sa event, may libreng dri-fit shirt and breakfast, so ok na rin; nadidisappoint lang talaga ko kasi it could've been a lot better. But I'm glad I went. :) Exercise din yun nambonggz ah!

Grabe natulog ako kina lola for about 4 hours hahaha! Played with my cute cousins. Shet cute cute ng aking 1year old cousin baby boy! I miss cribs tuloy. And anniversary pala ng parents ko today, Nanay got a bouquet of sunflowers, pinabili ni tatay kay kuya since he's still in Davao. Answeet! Love my parents and their relationship! Answerte ko talagang bata. :)

The computer won't start - it keeps on getting stuck on the Starting Windows screen. My brother the computer wizard has tried to troubleshoot it, but to no avail. If he can't fix it, I'm doomed. @_@

I haven't backed up ALL of my files yet. And this is what I'm beating myself over.. Well wala rin namang mapaglalagyan nung files, but still! Ang pinakainaalala ko ay yung march travels album ko huhu. OK OMG I JUST CHECKED THE USB, AND MY FILES ARE STILL THERE!!! MY BELOVED MARCH TRAVELS FILE!!! HUHUHU TEARS OF HAPPINESS NOW. Hahaha. Shet ulitmate sigh of relief!!!!!! Sobrang kinabahan talaga ko dun kanina, I thought na mawawala nanaman ang lamave files ko forever. :( So, ok na kahit mawala yung files ko dun sa C:/.. but but nandun din yung pakisama files so please please sana masalba. Sana ok pa yung hard drive and pwedeng makuha yung mga files dun. Need to do this soon kasi nakatengga ang work ko okay! Kung kelan sinisipag na talaga ko nambonggz saka magkakaganito. I kick myself.

Anyway. I just hate how attached I am to technology. Mawala lang yung desktop namin, parang aatakihin na ko sa puso. I hate how my job depends on its working properly. Note: always, always back up! I have crappy work ethic wth. Need to fix this, okay! Nung nanakawan ako ng camera and laptop and everything except my clothes, I managed. Felt free even. Ansarap din ng feeling nang walang attachment to anything. Pero posible ba yun? To live life without any attachment? At all? To things, friends, family? Anong klaseng buhay naman yun? Makabuluhan ba? Maybe I need to redefine "attachment"? Humans, after all, could survive with just the basics. But what kind of life would that be? Magiging at peace siguro ako, pero masaya ba? Nakakainis kasi to live, I really have to depend on people. Unless nalang ma-Robinson Crusoe echos ako ano, yung tipong all alone in an island *shudder*. I wouldn't want that, pero yun na yung epitome of being alone, of being without any attachment. Pero sa ganitong buhay, how to detach? Is detachment the same as freedom? Can I truly be free of these worldly materials (without resorting to death ha!)? Kelangan ko pa itong pag-isipan nambonggz. Hmm maybe I should convert to buddhism.

It is 11:40; I was supposed to be asleep an hour and a half ago! And then wake up at 3am. Ang hirap talaga pag mabigyan lang ako ng konting time sa internet; ang konti, dumadami. Searched for underwater cameras while waiting for dinner (wow parang ansosyal lang). S95 seems like a good deal, merong 11k. At ngayon ko lang naalala na si S95 ay si sharkeater (right? right? do i still know my sharks??). Oooh. So pagbumili ako ng s95 papangalanan kong Sharkeater. How apt. Urrgh eto nanaman ako, nagpapantasya sa mga bagay na gusto kong bilhin. Puro ako pantasya pero yung pera napupunta naman sa travels haha. Yung dapat pandamit, yung dapat pambayad ng utang, napupunta sa travels. Which is so wrong grabe kaadikan na ba to? Am I in need of an intervention? 

Hindi parin ayos yung computer; I'm getting antsy. How to get my files? Kung hindi lang ako takot masira yung hard drive, gagawin ko na yung mga advice sa net. But I have to ask kuya first kung ano na yung mga nagawa niya. At syempre hindi naman niya priority yun kasi hindi naman na niya ginagamit. I'm the loser here. Need to woooork. :(( I need to bug him na because nakatengga lang yung computer at pati tuloy ako nakatengga.

May narealize ako today. I feel like I'm a female Michael Bluth or a Ted Mosby. I'd like to think I'm a Good Man, er, Woman, but I'm just as messed up as everybody else. Okay mej antok na ako to support this realization with reasons pero I think nagbunga ito sa aking pagkaloser - loser na hindi ko man lang nainvite sa isang event si happy crush (yuck ang hisghschool), loser dahil ang grepa ko, loser dahil walang nangyayari sa buhay ko. I try to do good - magvolunteer, be a good friend, etc etc but sometimes I hold back kasi ang selfish ko rin talaga. And competitive. And may jealousy issues ako, not romantic jealousy but jealousy of the success of people younger than me. Nakakaloka kasi paano naman ako magiging successful eh antamad ko. So there's this cycle na nagseselos ako but aftert that, I feel depressed so tinatamad ako, and then magseselos nanaman ako. This has got to stop okay. I'll sleep on it.

Today, I found out how sucky our thesis really is.

I read a review which says that it was the most boring thing he has seen in the two days of the festival (buti nalang hindi sa whole history of the festival, hahaha!). And that he wouldn't wish upon friends, and that it was overwhelming - crammed with information and it was preachy; and basically, that the whole thing didn't work. And there were some words about being a lazy bum. 

I was gutted.

It's devastating because it's true. We crammed it, and it was crammed because we procrastinated, and we procrastinated because we got lazy. It hurts, because you want your film to be anything but boring. Mas ok nang bad kesa boring. I can't help but agree though.  Nung pinanood ko kasi recently ulit, nabewilder narin talaga ako sa sarili ko, parang, "hell, I can't believe pinapanood talaga namin yun ng ganung state." Anchaka nga talaga, and I'm not proud of it. Hindi pa nga napapanood ng parents ko eh. Even my closest friends haven't watched it. So I agree din talaga dun sa last sentence niya, na he wouldn't wish it upon friends. I didn't - for the most part. Isa pa lang talaga ang sinubmit ko sa ganung torture. Haha. Kasi ang boring nga naman talaga, pero shet the truth hurts. And it makes me mad! Not the review, of course, I'm actually glad he wrote about it. I'm mad at myself, because of my lower than mediocre status. Because it was supposed to be my best and it wasn't. Because it could've been something more. Because a thesis should be something you're proud of. Because it should bring honor and excellence, and well, those are sorely missing. 

And narealize ko din talaga nambonggz what a lazy bum I am lately. For this year and the past, andami kong tengga moments; nothing productive to show for it. Every day I become lazier, I become stupider. I become poorer, too. This has to stop. Thank you, dear reviewer, for your honest review. I can only do better.

What should have been the earliest time I was supposed to sleep, turned turned out to be my latest, in weeks. It's now 2:24, and I planned on being asleep at 9pm! So much for plans.

It's World Turtle Day yesterday, and it was the first time I've heard of it, to be honest. What kind of seaturtle lover am I? Shame. I love sea tarrrtles, I really do! They contain so much freedom in their seemingly snobby facial expression. I could swim with them for hours, days, weeks, even! Oh, if only I could..

Went to meet with clients today, and I'm not screwed pala like I thought I was hahaha may direksyonn nanaman itong trabaho ko. Can't toss aside my working in a magazine dream though, I really have to send in my application already. Yesterday I was even looking for room rentals in Makati! Awaw. I really want that job but I think I only have one decent product for my portfolio. I hope the other design things can cut it. :|

Watched a couple of AD episodes today; such hilarity!!  Meet the Veals is definitely one of my favorites. When the season started, I didn't find it as funny as the episodes in the previous season, but it gradually became funnier and funnier. And ito nanamn ako, since gustong gusto ko siya, gusto ko tuloy pagpantasyahan ang Filipino version nito. :) 

Am going to buy an underwater film camera tomorrow, the inexpensive kind. Nawa'y marami akong matinong shots! Excited. :D :D 

Waking up late messes up te whole day. Antamad tamad ko for the whole day anoba! 4pm na ako nakaalis ng bahay. :<

Got a new camera! Though natatakot ako dahil baka wala akong macapture na maganda at all. Takot ako dun sa crappiness nung pre-loaded film. I only have that, and another one. Two films for 2 days! Must practice trigger discipline.

Sana hindi magleak at sana maging usable yung shots please please please :o 

Ansaya ng feeling kanina. Ansaya kasi may bet ako and I think he's -sort of?- interested as well. Basta, I think may pag-asa naman. Ang comfortable ko lang talaga pag kasama ko siya, unlike when I'm with previous crush, na sobrangnasestress ako pag kausap ko, kasi masyado akong conscious sa sarili ko. With this new bet, naeenjoy ko talagang kasama at kausap siya, and we laugh together - nagegets niya yung humor ko I think. I haven't found this connection in others since "somebody that I used to know" back in college. Mukhang magkawavelength kami, I find him funny and witty - at ok siya mag-integrate with the community; nakikipag-usap sa mga locals, etc., hindi snob. I find that a total turn-on. :) Natutuwa talaga ako. Hehe. And he's a deep sleeper so sa bus may times na nakarest yung head niya sa shoulders ko hahaha. Kilig. May times rin naman sa other person nakarest yung head niya, but whatever. :))) He's not the very gwapo, buff type - he's tall and lanky but quick to smile and he has those wrinkles sa eyes when he laughs. Haha sobrang naattract talaga ko sa kanya. BUT: 

Napakaloser ko. I don't think I expressed my interest at all. What the hell is wrong with me?? Di ko sinulit yung bus ride, and I didn't even say goodbye to him more WTF. Ang fail okay!!! Sana may event ulit asap na pwede ko siyang makasama. And kelangan ko maginitiate okay! Tama na ang tengga mode when it comes to my nonexistent lovelife anoba. I've got to move it move it. Moveeeet!!! Haha anchaka.