Here I am again, putting off stuff that I have to do. Stuff that should have been done a week ago. Yet, it's still here, staring at me in the face.

I am behind my work again. Again. And again. Why do I keep procrastinating? And then I cycle into this self-hatred which leads to more unproductivity. I need a good kick. Once again I'm in a rut; perhaps this is because I haven't ridden my bike lately, and gotten out and exercised. Grabe sobrang gutumin ko this week (and last), andami kong kinakaing junk :( There's this incessant desire to keep on shoving food inside my mouth, in an attempt to fill my emptiness with something but I just end of feeling emptier. I have been driving my brother to school for a week already and it makes me tired every morning when I get back, I just fall right back to sleep and find my whole morning wasted. Been trying to resolve this by going to bed earlier at night, but I cannot sleep. And then in the afternoon I browse various blogs and the whole day passes by without me doing any work. Again.

This freelancing thing isn't for me anymore, what have I been telling you, self? So much wasted time. If only I could just buy self-discipline. "One week of self-discipline, please."

In a couple of weeks I'll be in a place I'd pretty much dreamt of since last year. And to be there, I have to finish all this stuff so GET MOVING. GET DOING. I just... ugh. I feel so empty.

It's not a good feeling. 

UGH I just wrote a really, really long entry on how super cyclical my procrastination is, and how it's a habit I must stop, and then I pressed some keyboard shortcuts and the computer's keyboard behaves in ways I do not understand so all those rants have gone down the drain. Way to go, I know I should write entries in notepad or Word, why do I never learn? Frustrated with myself but no use crying over entries that have gone to electronic hell, never to be seen again. 

I should go back to work.

Reasons why I'd be good for you:

1) I give good back massages. Or at least I try to.
2) I can make a mean omelette.
3) Sexual intimacy? Not a problem.
4) I'll leave you little notes, I'll visit you, I'll make time for you. I'll appreciate the hell out of you.
5) I enjoy doing all these things. 6)I clean up nice.
7) I live in the same city. Ok tayo logistics-wise.
8) I'm very hatak-able. Ano lakad? Game ako. Plus points: our hobbies overlap.
9) Family? They're great. Health? I barely get sick. Mentally? I'm pretty much normal. Not crazy. Crazy for you lang. CHOS. Wala kang proproblemahing shitty issues.
10) Pareho tayo ng level of humor.

Reasons why I won't:
1) Sun ka, globe ako.

Okay natatawa parin ako sa post na 'to.

Imaginary conversation about nanowrimo:

Friend: It's a beautiful day. Let's go out!
Me: Can't, I have nanowrimo. :( :)
Friend: Ugh, sounds like a disease. Is it contagious?
Me: Only if you have a penchance for suffering.

Bring it on! HAHAHAHAHUHU

Okay let’s see how much story I can crunch up in 30 minutes. And how many words. I am pantsing my way through this…

It was a typical morning, like this is a typical sentence. She woke up and went to the bathroom, dreading the day ahead. She stripped and started preparing the shower, and when she looked down she saw blood. Her blood. Ugh. Not today, not now. Though she was relieved, she did not like the uncomfortable feeling this will bring her. Not on the day of her date.

This is the day she has decided to break up with him. It had been lingering for so long, the Decision. It finally has to be made, and to be done. She asked him out; she doesn’t care anymore if he just went home due to overtime, or if he has a sick mother to tend to. They are going to sit through this, and she is going to say it. It has to be done today.

She chose her prettiest outfit, a flowy knee-length sleeveless dress, which shows off her collarbones. Collarbones that he has always appreciated.  She remembers as he traced his finger on it, a promising line that ends on her shoulders, and then the drop-off. That drop-off was today. She shrugged the memory off, and concentrated on her make-up. Might as well he remembers her pretty.

Her shoes. It was given by him, an anniversary present. Seven years. Seven years is a long time to be keeping a secret. Seven years is too long for a lie. The stilettos still fit her perfectly, the way his hands fit hers perfectly, the way his body fits hers perfectly. It doesn’t matter. It is all a lie.

Her cellphone rang. Gently, she pressed it to her cheeks. “Hello, honey.” This is probably the last time they’ll speak like this.

“Hey, are you sure about this? I mean, the restaurant doesn’t open ‘til 10..”

He knows.

“It has to be there, okay? We could sit on bookshop near it, I don’t care. I need to see you there.” It had to be there, on the place where it all started.

----

word count: 362. Okay, say 300 words/30 minutes (10wpm) and I need 1667words a day, that's about 2.8 hours per day of writing O_O WOW what a commitment. Haay go push.