Yesterday was get-your-license-day-no-matter-what. Achievement unlocked: YESSSS SA WAKAS!!! However, I spent more than I expected to. Again, self: pay your fucking bills asap gorramit. I had a pending color coding ticket and had to troop all the way to MMDA in Guadalupe from East Ave, just to pay the fucking 300-peso ticket. Well I *knew* I had an unpaid ticket but goddamn, I just assumed that I could pay on the spot or something. Apparently, things don't work like that. Hindi ba pwedeng i-link ang bayad grabe ha. And then, sa MMDA bawal ang shorts and tsinelas, so tadah! I had to rent pants and shoes for a fucking 50pesos each. TANGINA ANG MAHAL AH! Then I hated myself because I shouldn't have allowed myself to be duped in this scheme, dapat nakiusap na ako agad dun sa office and asked for alternatives. Pero ang unassertive ko talaga sometimes which makes me hate myself so much. So naiyak ako sa katangahan ko. Inis na inis talaga ko sa sarili ko puta. Nanggigigil nanaman ako sa sarili ko while writing this. Ohwell get the fuck over it, self. Buti nalang mababait naman yung mga tao sa loob so mej kumalma naman na ako. Haay. Afterwards, I thanked the employee who was kind to me and I felt a lot better. Always repay kindness with kindness!

May system slowdown pa sa LTO so antagal magvalidate/release ng card choba. Without the guadalupe thing, the renewal took me 3 hours. It was a lot of waiting at kelangan pa kong picturan ulit wtf, eh katatapos ko lang umiyak nun okay so maga-maga level pa yung mata ko and I really wasn't at my best. HAHAHA TAE.

Nakakakilig na may license na ako ulit after 10 months of not having one. Why I only got one now, when it would take me only a day, I have no fucking idea. Last-minute is my middle name, which I really am trying to change now. Reality check: mas stressful talaga ang procrastinated stuff do you not learn haynako self.

Nung pag-uwi pa, natagusan ako nambonggz. Bag can't even cover it decently. Wala akong extra napkin and I thought kakayanin naman hanggang sa pag-uwi ko sa bahay. But then pagbaba ko sa jeep I felt so wet. And not in a good way hahaha. Urgh. Nung tinignan ko sa banyo shet. Para akong may puddle of blood sa pwetan. As in high school level na tagos. Super halata. First time ko ulit natagusan nang ganito. Napa-taxi tuloy ako nang wala sa oras :(  Sarap magtaxi. The convenience is lurrve. And ansakit talaga ng puson ko kahapon. Haay the pains of being a reproductive female.

So that was last Friday. Yesterday, the special thing was dinner with the team. The frenchies are back, and they are love, as usual. Good company, god I missed them! We ate at Tosh and a cafe in Maginhawa, na may shelves with lots of books comics and a couch. Parang comfy library plus cafe. But then the other side of the wall were picture frames, as in picture frames lang with the corresponding default frame pictures inside. Yung tipong kabibili mo lang sa store nung frame and then they decided to screw it in the wall. Yung may nakasulat pang "4x5 photo", mga ganun. Yung iba pang frames iba yung orientation: yung landscape nakaportrait, yung portrait nakalandscape. Lerks. So we decided to have some fun and tape some artwork in the artwork-less frames. :)))) Sana hindi nila tanggalin.

Grabe yung cookie clicker I think I've been running it for more than 24 hours now. :))) THERE CAN ALWAYS BE MORE COOKIES ang motto. Nagiging cookie monster mode ata lahat ng naglalaro nun eh. I love how you can just leave it and then when you come back andami mo nang pera and you go on a buying spree. And then you leave it again. Huhu is this what having a passive income is like? I want. LOLOLOL okay kahit isang cookie lang give me cookie plz

Ang dami ko nanamang ginastos today, for dinner and for coffee wow yan ba ang tipid mode? 260 for pasta and 80php for coffee tada wala nanaman akong pera. But then minsan lang naman 'to so eezokay the company made up for it. Peroo ano ba teh I just wish I could've ordered more wisely, di naman talaga ako ganun ka-gutom.

Parang andami nang regrets sa post na ito, okay ito naman, gratitude stuff na:
> Thankful for the team! Always good company, them.
> Ateneo walks. Yey for exercise!
> My parents. Just because.

Ok hanggang dito nalang, must go back to cookieclicker (ay WAW).

More than the sea, more than the short, fun-because-of-the-people-i'm-with trip, more than the moonset and the crows (?) and the infinity pool swim, it was those two brief moments with him that made me thankful that I'm here, and that I did not push through with the trip. Those two meetings made everything okay.

I gathered my courage and initiated the visit; weighed my options and consequences and the scale tipped to positive, so I resolved to go ahead and just do it.  I was afraid, I was petrified ang drama hahaha pero buti nalang I caught my wits and not backed out when I was at the door. Worst thing that could happen is that he wasn't there (and then so what? Then he'll know I dropped by... and then, nothing. Wala namang negative effects masyado). Best thing is, magsabay kami umuwi hahaha pero what happened was the next best thing, I guess. Opening the door and actually going through it turned a what-was-supposed-to-be 30 minute boring, unproductive wait into a light, happy, smile-inducing GV conversation. :) 

I was looking back on how I came up with the decision. Magpapanotaryo dapat ako but then after 30mins pa babalik yung magnonotarize, and so I had nothing to do but kill time. His office was beside it so naisipan kong tumambay nalang dun kesa magpausok sa kalsada. Ang weird ko talaga siguro mag-appear any-any but I didn't have my phone with me so a surprise visit it is! HAHAHA. Glad I did, I pat you on the back, self. :) Anyway, mabalik nga. When I make a decision, I weight the pros and cons. I visualize a line, and the midpoint is zero, but the numbers on the left are the negative ones and the ones on the right are the positive ones. Ewan ko bat baliktad yung number line ko pero ganun ko siya naiimagine. So halimbawa may decision, titimbangin ko kung gano kalala yung worst possible thing na mangyayari and then I assign it a negative number and plot it on my imaginary number line. And then gagawin ko naman yun sa best case scenario, and instead of a negative number, positive number siya. For example, yung worst case scenario is -2, and the best case scenario is a positive 5. And then imemeasure ko yung length nung line na maccreate ko with those two points and then hahanapin ko yung midpoint. Kung yung midpoint ay positive, go for it. Kung negative, don't do it! to whoa magisip isip ka girl, depending on how far the negative number is from zero. HAHAHA ang labo ko magexplain wth and I could probably explain this with a few words but whatever. So yung sa kanina, worst case scenario is -2, best case scenario is Aa 10. so midpoint ng dalawang yun ay 8. Diba? So it's pretty much positive, go for it. Kung halimbawa naman, yung trip to my beloved province. Worst possible scenario is -15, best case is 14. So negative yung midpoint pero so close to zero, kaya mag-isipisip ka ang drama, tilting towards don't do it. And I didn't. So yun.

My baby cousins are here, huhu they're asleep beside me, sooooo kayooot. Andito rin si Tita from abroad. We ihad good paella dinner and muhroomburger pancit and some roasted chicken. Mmmm. Ngayon ang iniisip ko ay anong film ang gagamitin ko to shoot my baby cousins <3

Dami ko nang sinabi. Kelangan kong gumising bukas ng super aga to get my license back. Waw at last. HAHAHA @_@ Sana successful tomorrow.

Things I'm thankful for: my baby cousins, the safe trip, those meetings :)

WHOA I MISSED WRITING YESTERDAY!! There goes my do something for 30days rule. Ohwell papel.

Today sucks. I am not yet done and I didn't go to my booked trip, because I am not yet done with work. I suck. I should have been there, right now, celebrating with them. Instead I'm here mourning about this again.

Ang sakit nanaman ng ulo ko I think it's for underuse. I am not thinking anymore WTF. That or too much computer I've been staring at this fucking screen for the past week and WTH I AM NOT YET DONE WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. Sawang-sawa na ko, umay na umay na ko sa ginagawa ko I need an out :(

Set a deadline for myself again because I agreed to do my friend a favor. Dapat matapos na to tomorrow at noon or else I'm screwed and he's screwed. HAY BAKIT BA KASI ANTAGAL KO GUMAWA. Konti nalang naman na, nakikita ko na ang katapusan pero parang anlayo pa :( This sucks. Gusto ko lumabas. Go on a trip or something. But NO this week should be dedicated to werk because. I. am. so. grepa. AND I JUST WASTED 1,223PHP FOR THE FLIGHT I DID NOT TAKE. MY HEART CREYS

WALA NA NGA AKONG PERA ANG LAZY KO PA. AND WALA AKONG PERA KASI ANG LAZY KO. WHAT IS THIS

Hayayay the only thing to do now is concentrate and just stop being fucking distracted. And then go deliver some godawesome work, yung tipong they'll pay 100k because they love it so much. HAHA asa naman pero hay gusto ko na talaga matapos.

Andami ko nang rants, 3 things I'm thankful naman:

- Conspi. Tatay brought some home. YUM.
- Ate a turkish dinner something, parang shawarma but better. It has cheese. At manamis namis yung bread. I like!! 
-A chance to help somebody! HAHA. Riiiight. That's why I should get this fucking thing done.

HAY I JUST WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE AND TAKE SO MANY FUCKING PICTURES BUT I CANNOT AND THIS SUCKS BUT IT'S MY FAULT AND SO I SHOULD JUST SUCK IT UP.

Gah I am so frustrated with myself :(

Okay I'm seeing the light at the end of this really, really, lightmonth tunnel and that's good but then it's still a long way to go. Gotta give it one more day of PUSH... or else I'm really screwed.

what to write what to write. Typhoon sucks; trip got cancelled, something I have been excited for during the past week, but safety first. Well blessing in disguise na rin because my phone line got disconnected when I needed it the most (for the trip), so ok lang na hindi natuloy because it would seriously stress me out kapag wala pa kong phone line during the trip. Hassle lang na andami kong nasayang na time for the trip that would be cancelled. Minsan gusto mo nalang din makita yung future no? Para di ka nalang nagcommit in the first place. HAHA. Pero sige na nga can't do anything about that, next time sana ako parin maghandle nung trip.

Grabe na talaga yung irresponsibility ko. Months na kasi yung phone line at pinabayaan ko lang siya, shoved the i-should-pay-my-bill-already nagging thoughts at the back of my head and buried them six feet under piles of gv travel thoughts. Ayan tuloy hahahaha wala ka nang pera now

I need to get my bike fixed one month na siyang nakatengga sa bahay okay WHAT THE HELL IS THAT. Idle asset. Ugh kaya lang wala na nga pala akong pera pampaayos because the budget for that went to the phone bill which I should have paid way earlier. Ambobs

Now how to get out of this other trip, well hindi pa naman sure pero gahd wala na kong pera and I don't want to admit that to them. Especially since I plan on pursuing the Ceb trip... I feel shitty kasi I keep on postponing and setting the dates at hindi naman pala ako makakadeliver. WTF

I need Globe tattoo why the hell did I even bring that to Malaysia?? Watisstupid ayan tuloy wala na akong mobile innernet and I can't really afford one right now. D: Hayayay tama pa ba 'tong ipupursue kong trip. Grabe naman kasi ako magbook nabigyan lang ng idea slight, book na agad. My rationalization hamster says "BUT THE RT TICKETS WERE SO CHEAP HOW CAN I NOT" but it's not a very wise decision lang talaga haha impulsive much.

Ok tama na ang rants, get back to work. Bitch.

Perfection. That's all I really want right now. The perfect life, with the perfect tools. Be the perfect being. 

I've been reading about this guy with a folding bike and he was talking about his perfect foldie and I got thinking about mine. Gahd the perfect bike would be light, less than 7 pounds (please, universe!), as sturdy as a 26" wheel mountain bike when unfolded but folds more compact-ly than a brompton. It should fold and unfold in no more than a minute and will not cost more than 10k. Yes that would be perfection. And it needs to have six or more gears.

And now the perfect camera: waterproof up to 50m, has awesome macro AND wide angle capabilities, can shoot raw, full frame sensor, can attach dome port, could attach film back. HAHAHA ok ewan ko talaga paano ito mangyayari. Plus shoot HD video in RAW. Yung Blackmagic pocket cinema video + gh2 rendering. And all these should be in a light, compact camera, NEX size and weight. HAHAHA. AND A VIEWFINDER AND FLIP OUT LCD PLEASE :))))

What is mapangarap. Hahaha. Shall continue this perfection fantasy later..