It is 11:40; I was supposed to be asleep an hour and a half ago! And then wake up at 3am. Ang hirap talaga pag mabigyan lang ako ng konting time sa internet; ang konti, dumadami. Searched for underwater cameras while waiting for dinner (wow parang ansosyal lang). S95 seems like a good deal, merong 11k. At ngayon ko lang naalala na si S95 ay si sharkeater (right? right? do i still know my sharks??). Oooh. So pagbumili ako ng s95 papangalanan kong Sharkeater. How apt. Urrgh eto nanaman ako, nagpapantasya sa mga bagay na gusto kong bilhin. Puro ako pantasya pero yung pera napupunta naman sa travels haha. Yung dapat pandamit, yung dapat pambayad ng utang, napupunta sa travels. Which is so wrong grabe kaadikan na ba to? Am I in need of an intervention? 

Hindi parin ayos yung computer; I'm getting antsy. How to get my files? Kung hindi lang ako takot masira yung hard drive, gagawin ko na yung mga advice sa net. But I have to ask kuya first kung ano na yung mga nagawa niya. At syempre hindi naman niya priority yun kasi hindi naman na niya ginagamit. I'm the loser here. Need to woooork. :(( I need to bug him na because nakatengga lang yung computer at pati tuloy ako nakatengga.

May narealize ako today. I feel like I'm a female Michael Bluth or a Ted Mosby. I'd like to think I'm a Good Man, er, Woman, but I'm just as messed up as everybody else. Okay mej antok na ako to support this realization with reasons pero I think nagbunga ito sa aking pagkaloser - loser na hindi ko man lang nainvite sa isang event si happy crush (yuck ang hisghschool), loser dahil ang grepa ko, loser dahil walang nangyayari sa buhay ko. I try to do good - magvolunteer, be a good friend, etc etc but sometimes I hold back kasi ang selfish ko rin talaga. And competitive. And may jealousy issues ako, not romantic jealousy but jealousy of the success of people younger than me. Nakakaloka kasi paano naman ako magiging successful eh antamad ko. So there's this cycle na nagseselos ako but aftert that, I feel depressed so tinatamad ako, and then magseselos nanaman ako. This has got to stop okay. I'll sleep on it.